I hate being vulnerable. Hate it.
I hate being naked. Both in the physical and the emotional sense.
To be vulnerable, or to be naked, means to be open to injury and attack. That is madness. Complete madness.
Why would anyone do that? Why would you lower your defenses, and risk being attacked? You would never go to battle naked. You would never engage with a barbarian warrior in battle while uncovered.
But what good are you to the world if you are closed off?
If you keep your dreams, your secrets, and yourself hidden away for all time? How does the world benefit from someone like that?
I suppose it doesn’t.
To accept love, you must give out love. But how can you give out love, true love, real love, selfless love, unless it comes from the core of your being?
That love. That true, real selfless love that is the love that changes people. The love that changes the world.
Not simply being fond of people or fond of the world but truly loving both of those things, even if it means you are opened and at risk for injury. Injury of the heart, of the soul, of the spirit. At risk for an attack and that you’ll be broken and left for dead.
People are people. People will let you down. People will injure you but isn’t that what humans do?
On purpose? Not all the time, but mistakes are made, words are said, and actions are taken that leave us bleeding.
But bleeding is part of living. Bleeding is a part of war. And are we at war? Yes, we are. A war against the things that keep us from being better, being more, and loving in such a way that it’s changing the very lives of those around us.
I hate being vulnerable. But it’s not about me, is it? It’s never been about me or you nor will it ever be. Its about them. Those people out there in the world, waiting for you to share what is on the inside of you. But you have to open yourself up. You have to show your flaws, your insecurities, your doubts and your fears. Through that openness, that nakedness comes the love you have, the courage you have, and your strengths. They must see all of it, every piece of you. Only then can you change the world. Only then can you love people the way they need to be loved. Only then can you step forward.
Risk being broken. Risk being injured. Risk bleeding. Risk exposing yourself, your true self to creation.
Risk being naked.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
– C.S. Lewis
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