I QUIT LEARNING BY SAM HUNT: GUEST POST
I quit learning.
I have to. Because as long as I choose to learn, I will never choose to do.
Maybe you’re not like me, maybe you harness the spectrum of the universe into some concentrated energy, pointing you like a laser at your target of choice.
Maybe you see the clouds but don’t follow them, wondering with each step how each dust-water particle could flow into the most carefree of shapes. You catch the sun you chase. You reach on your tiptoes and grasp the top-shelf cookie jar. Your dive is never a belly flop.
That’s not me. I wish it were. I am drunk on learning, stupidly stumbling after my shifting focus.
I get distracted. When I sat down at my laptop to write, I decided instead to prepare a little more. After all, I had been studying blogging, but not for this post. Surely it deserved special attention.
I paused for food, but I read simultaneously. If I learn enough I’ll be prepared enough. Right? I closed my computer and went to wash the dishes–my mind needed time to digest too.
Finally, back at my computer, ready to write this thing. (Do you know how much I wanted to “research” some more before writing this?)
I wanted to read more, study more because I knew if I could just get a little more understanding, then I could finally be competent enough to pull this off. No. It’s not possible.
I once applied to work in a bookstore. On the application, I confessed I’m easily distracted by books. “I’d be a great employee because I can get lost in books for hours.” I’m still waiting for them to schedule an interview.
When is enough enough? When days become weeks become months become years because I’m almost there, I almost feel ready! I’m so close. It’ll never happen.
If I never put aside the books, I’ll never create one.
So I quit learning.
Learning is my favorite thing to do, and it is my own worst enemy because as long as I learn I will never. Do.
Get up and do. That’s what’s got to happen. Yet I know it won’t. It’ll never happen. No amount of passively willing the thing is equal to the action I desire.
My learning to write, to dream, to chase the sun began in desire but it cannot stay there. Desire drives the learning but it cannot carry me beyond. No. I must grab my necessities, throw them on my back and trudge. Plod. Quake the earth with every stomp, with each breathy heave-ho.
If what I have is not enough to start, I never will.
No more stopping at the library on my way to work. I quit learning alone. My new teacher is doing.
The heart she cries. She screams and aches and tears against my chest. She begs. She pleads. She violently thrashes within me. She cries out for something different. Something real. Something to touch her, ignite her, and set her free. She will not be ignored. She...read more
And what do we do when we are afraid to try again? When the voices and feelings of doubt start to close in around us? We stare at the canvas, the page, the screen. Staring and afraid. Afraid that we might not be able to create as we once did. Afraid that we have...read more
I stand here at this unfamiliar door. I started in one place and have arrived in another. Through twists and turns and decisions made, I now stand here uncertain of things I use to know. As I stare at the worn wood and the faded bronze door knocker only one question...read more